After a wonderful day of sun, water, and boating, I'm sleepy and so content. I water-skied! After a few face plants, the rope pulled me up to a delicate balance. Showing off was not a choice for a person of my rudimentary skill level. But in my own mind at least, I was awesome (for at least ten seconds straight). Tubing was the best though. Trying to jump between both of the tubes while three other people desperately clung to the few handles, was the goal I aspired to. However, I usually designated myself as the instrumental "foundational member" of the dog pile, i.e. limbs spread and pasted onto every crevice/handle of that inner tube. While Sarah casually sat up on her knees, hair blowing in the breeze, I saw at least 4 synopsises of my life flash before my eyes. Her grace was that of a seasoned dolphin; mine resembled a beached whale. There was one crowning, victorious, diminutive moment. I was the last of four riders still clinging to the tube after a succession of jarring waves and leaping bodies. Chelsea: 1. Everyone else: ... Well the important thing is: Chelsea: 1.
But I'm happy for another, less obvious reason. Throughout the weekend, I did it. I stuck to actions that supported what I say I want. Last night, I could've been like I had in the past. But when I woke up this morning I was happy that I hadn't succumbed to my cozy habits. Today, I stayed safely within boundaries I'd set for myself. I didn't even bend the fence, or glance on the other side. I have my own grass and it's perfectly green, thank you very much.
I feel myself getting stronger and more confident everyday. I can scream and laugh and smile without wondering if I will be liked. I'm glad I've found this, or rather, that it found me.
"I have my own grass and it's perfectly green, thank you very much."
ReplyDeleteThat's the best way to think.