My most recent TellAllGram

This is the latest edition to my TellAllGram wrting spree. While working for www.TellAllGram.com as the "Teen Editor," I write letters to be used as templates for people who want to "Tell All" in one form or another. I have a lot of fun with these by finding ways to tell people off, while keeping the delivery light-hearted and able to receive.

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Dear Manager of Dunkin’ Donuts,

You are conveniently located adjacent to the Metro stop and at the heart of the thriving metropolis of Wheaton, MD. Every morning, I pass Dunkin’ Donuts en route to the train station, and have stopped in several times to satiate my debilitating caffeine craving. When obtaining a small, iced, “latte lite” at any other location, my hankering is successfully combated. However, your shop never quite hits the mark of my simplistic order. In one situation, I was detained for at least 15 minutes after ordering a small coffee. Maybe your employees were merely trying to heighten my level of anticipation, and therefore amount of enjoyment upon the actual consumption of my mocha-flavored beverage. If this was their intended strategy, then hats off! I was about to faint from a dizzy spell of excitement (or maybe depravity of caffeine) after the lengthy wait. But when the climactic moment finally arrived, they handed me two foreign, frothy, large drinks. Sadly, I accepted the offer despite its wrongness. Alas! Their plan had gone awry in the final stages. Mounted excitement? Check. Heightened enjoyment? Not so much.

And so this sparks the necessity for a note of encouragement, a signal for the need of beneficial change, a TellAllGram. I honestly believe your shop has all of the necessary ingredients to be the best Dunkin’ Donuts of all time: friendly employees, an excellent amount of business, and recipes for delicious yet affordable drinks. I am only suggesting that you combine these materials so that they can work cohesively and to your advantage. Just as your most skillful employee swirls, juggles, steams, and stirs to create a delectable experience, management must learn to do the same with the entire restaurant. The line should move quicker. The drinks should have better quality. The orders should be unfailingly accurate. In summary, The Wheaton location is in need of some sweetener.

Thank you,
Caffeine-aholic

P.S. If business continues to operate like it has been, you will be receiving another letter from me. That one will complain that your slogan is false advertising, and will adamantly demand that it should be changed to, “America moseys along in Dunkin.’”